Relationships

Relationships: balancing our interpersonal relationships in veterinary school can be a demanding but rewarding and essential undertaking.  How do you meet new friends or significant others while in vet school, or how do you make quality time available to the special ones you already have?

Honorable Mention, Life as a Vet Student Category
Oneal Peters, Colorado State University

It’s 2:30 am. I sit in the equine medicine rounds room, listening to angry sparrows complain about being stuck in the barn in the middle of the night, most likely separated from their fellow sparrows (well, at least I assume that’s what all the racket is about) and I wonder if all my family is snuggled up in their beds, fast asleep or if any of them are awake at this hour (perhaps my brother, who tends to function best in the wee hours of the morning). Vet school certainly changes your routine, and not only is it a huge adjustment for the student but life begins to change quite a bit for those around them.

When I began vet school, I had been married for two years and my family was only four hours away. I entered vet school with a substantial support system and I didn’t have to worry about meeting Mr. Right (or any Mr. for that matter), but maintaining the relationships I already had was something that came with a learning curve. Luckily, I have a very understanding family and husband, and if they don’t see or hear from me for weeks, they understand and don’t take it personally. And while it’s lovely to have people who are so benevolent with their empathy, I soon realized that it benefited my own persona to find a way to balance vet school with real life, because while my family seemed to function pretty well without me, I wasn’t able to function very well without them. So I began to tier my priorities. Yes, school is undoubtedly important, but not so important that you become a hermit, emerging from your vet school cave after four long years to realize you lost all your friends and family because you had vet school tunnel vision. I often felt like there were not enough hours in the day to fit in all the things that were important: studying, sleeping, spending time with hubby and dogs, visiting family, exercising…the list goes on and on, but then I realized it was all a matter of schedule. The concept of putting your life on a schedule seems a bit neurotic, yes, I know, but when I became a vet student, this was the only way to keep my sanity. So it began. I used my giant white board from Target to schedule each week. I titled it “weekly goals” so that I didn’t feel terrible if not all my tasks were completed. I broke my days into blocks. Study blocks. Walk the dog blocks. Free time blocks. And then the hard part came along - trying to stick to the schedule. It took a bit of adjustment and a strong dose of discipline, but over time I became accustomed to my schedule and life became more manageable. If I followed my blocks, I would feel more satisfied about the amount of studying I did because I had quantifiable times spent studying, and so free time was guilt free.

I also made time to go visit family. Weekends that did not fall prior to an exam were chosen, and we made the four hour drive up to see my family every other month or so. Yes, if I had stayed home on the weekends, I would have undoubtedly gotten more studying done, and we would have saved money on gas, but the times I got to go home always reminded me of those American Express commercials. Gas to go home for the weekend: $150 dollars. Time spent NOT studying for vet school: 48. Coffee for the ride home and the next week because you stayed up late all weekend having fun: $12. Getting away from routine, vet school, and spending time with parents and siblings: priceless.

The take home message is that everyone has to find the perfect recipe for how they are going to handle vet school. I don’t have perfect grades, and that may be more important to others than it is to me. I try my best in school but recognize that I need to spend time with the people in my life that were there before vet school as well. I need to go ride my horses, even if I don’t really have time. Life doesn’t end just because vet school begins, but in order for this to be true for me, I learned to ironically balance a “life schedule” with spontaneity. It’s not for everyone, but it certainly worked for me.

It’s now quarter til five in the morning and the clip clop of hooves echoes through the barn. The sparrows are still at it, and the din can be heard over all those inherently horsy noises that only those who have spent time in a barn full of horses come to love. Perhaps the sparrows are still lamenting over the time they are stuck in the barn, trapped away until morning from their families. I take a deep breath, and realize that I am lucky enough to have found a way to balance friends and family for the past 3 years of vet school, and perhaps if I was a sparrow right now, I’d be singing a sweet melody, because I have no such complaints.

Comments

[Nathan]

What would you do on weekends that fell before exams? I'm currently in my 3rd year in vet school, and we have exams every week of the semester after the first 2 are done. We have class from 8-5 most week days, and I commute 1 hour to and from school. I get in about 1 hour of studying if I get home at 6 each night, then cook dinner with my girlfriend, and eat. After that I get about 30 minutes to 1 more hour of half-hearted studying in, while still trying to give her attention, before I start to fall asleep. Then I hit the hay, and start it all over around 5 am the next morning. I'm lost without essentially every weekend for studying because I can't get enough time in during the week. Have you ever had times like that in your schedule, and if so, how did you find balance?