Entries in Virginia-Maryland (17)
Honorable Mention, Foot in Mouth Disease
Sara Waltz, Virginia-Maryland Regional College of Veterinary Medicine
During my breaks, I work as a veterinary nurse at an emergency hospital in Raleigh, NC. We field a lot of after-hours calls of course and some have a level of comedy associated with them so I write them down. This one has become a favorite of mine. A man called me very concerned about his dog. This is how the conversation went. Please keep in mind, he had a very deep southern accent.
Me: “(emergency hospital), this is Sara. How can I help you?”
Gentlemen: “Well’r, I’m calling ‘bout my dog. She’s been ‘backed up’ I reckon for the last couple’r days.”
Me: “Sir, just so I understand, you believe she’s constipated, is that right? Has she been straining to defecate?”
Gentlemen: “Yes ma’am that’s correct. Well let me tell ya, I took her to the vet yesterday and that doctor said she couldn’t find anything so she sent me home with them an-ti-biotics. Well, she’s been on them now since yesterday and she’s still just not right. So I went ahead and stuck my fingr up ther--- I ain’t above it.
Well, don’t you know, I pulled me out a little turdball. So I went ahead and stuck it up ther again to see what I could get. Now, this time I felt me something in ther. Then I remembered- I done gave that dog a chicken bone a few days ago and don’t you know that’s what I felt up ther in her butthole. So now, ma’am, what should I do….?”